HURR HURR HURR

186130

$someonesthunderboltsomeday: lsdandthc: skittlezthecat: da-sy: redvinesgiraffe: You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me. And that’s when you met me. “What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?” “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words. “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…” “Yup,” I said. “I… I died?” “Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said. You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?” “More or less,” I said. “Are you god?” You asked. “Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.” “My kids… my wife,” you said. “What about them?” “Will they be all right?” “That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.” You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty. “Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.” “Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?” “Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.” “Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,” “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.” You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?” “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.” “So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.” “Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.” I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had. “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.” “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?” “Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.” “Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?” “Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.” “Where you come from?” You said. “Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.” “Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.” “Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.” “So what’s the point of it all?” “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?” “Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted. I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.” “You mean mankind? You want us to mature?” “No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.” “Just me? What about everyone else?” “There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.” You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…” “All you. Different incarnations of you.” “Wait. I’m everyone!?” “Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back. “I’m every human being who ever lived?” “Or who will ever live, yes.” “I’m Abraham Lincoln?” “And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added. “I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled. “And you’re the millions he killed.” “I’m Jesus?” “And you’re everyone who followed him.” You fell silent. “Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.” You thought for a long time. “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?” “Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.” “Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?” “No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.” “So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…” “An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.” And I sent you on your way. O_O yesss i found it again! one of my all time favourite reads. Philosophy went to the max right here OI SCROLL BACK UP AND READ ALL OF IT! I was really intrigued by this$

jumperpheasants:

boner jokes in doctor who

(via fillmyworldwithsillylovesongs)

20,541 notes | 4 hours ago

10209

jill0mccloud:

juicyjacqulyn:

captain-america-steve:

OH COOL LOOK A NEW MESSAGE!
WRONG!
THAT BAD BOY RIGHT THERE IS A VIRUS.
YEP, YOU HIT THAT TEMPTING LITTLE CIRCLE AND YOU HAVE A ONE WAY TRIP TO VIRUS-VILLE ON THE MY COMPUTER IS NOW CRASHED BUS!
DON’T CLICK IT.
CLICK IT AND YOUR HACKED.
CLICK IT AND YOUR COMPUTER DIES.
CLICK IT AND BASICALLY YOU’RE SCREWED.

I *just* got this 2mins after seeing this post. Thank goodness you reblogged thi

i got this 10 minutes ago but I was smart enough to know that it was a virus, seen too many of these in my other accounts ask box

me: omg did i reply too fast

me: they're going to think i'm obsessed with them

260,093 notes | 4 hours ago

(Source: curiousz, via meme4u)

6,974 notes | 4 hours ago

I wanted to be an English teacher. I wanted to do it for the corduroy jackets with patches on the side. When I got to college, as I was walking across campus one day, I ripped off a little flyer for this sketch-comedy group. It ended up being one of the greatest things I’ve ever done.

(Source: standinginyourownsunshine, via fillmyworldwithsillylovesongs)

2,718 notes | 4 hours ago

asmymlivural:

If anyone ever asks me to define love, I’m just going to show them this

(Source: femburton, via everything-evil-1992)

298,961 notes | 4 hours ago

14535

motoasfuck:

thiinka:

damianwaynesboots:

A police officer was killed this week here in Arizona. Today is his daughter’s kindergarten graduation, and because he couldn’t be there, the rest of the force showed up to represent him.

braydaaan:

Do you ever go on YouTube thinking you’ll just be on to watch a quick music video then later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to walk a mother fucking giraffe.

(via satans-booty-crack)

145,303 notes | 5 hours ago

39770

beautiful-flower12:

i-rrelevantthoughts:

wwruska:

REAL Lesbians React to Lesbian Porn!

I’m laughing so hard oh my god

“cause if it were made for lesbians then there would be a home depo. ad on the side.”

AHAHAHAHA

I’m 5000% done.

The woman with the pink shirt and the red bra is really hot. Anyways, the fake nails are so annoying in lesbian porn!!! I totally agree with this video

(via everything-evil-1992)

71,295 notes | 5 hours ago

For a children’s show, Adventure Time is full of adult fears

tumblrisweird:

Being unable to care for your child

Being overpowered by your child

Being manipulated into an abusive relationship

Being attacked by your spouse

Depression and attempted suicide

Threat of miscarriage

Losing a loved one (or yourself) to Alzheimer’s

Not to mention a goddamned nuclear apocalypse